Jackie Chan, Cauldron Lighter

Hey Jackie, I watched Forbidden Kingdom. You are THE awesome in that movie. You and Jet Li fighting in the temple? Whew. It was kung fu porn. It went on and on and on but I can’t take my eyes off it.

By the way, can you give me one of them walking sticks? You know, like the one you gave that American kid who fell from the roof and found himself in China? I was like, “Wow. Is that what the new agers are talking about?” They tell me I can do something like that if I enroll in their pricey courses but apparently all I need is a walking stick. So reserve a walking stick for me, will you?

Do you think you will win your exhibition bout with Kostya Tszyu? You should kick his ass eh? Yeah, do it for the older guys. Good luck to you, buddy.

Related:
Kostya Tszyu vs. Jackie Chan

PHOTO SOURCE: Beijing 2008